Every morning started the same: Looking out my bedroom window … the sunrise, beautiful garden, horses playing, all with a family anyone would be proud of … but I couldn’t feel an ounce of appreciation. I spent 10 years as a functioning alcoholic.
I was helpful and loyal to all, active in the church, and even started a lucrative small business, but I had no joy without the drink. As it increased, I became accepting that this is just who I am. It is okay because I am a good person and work really hard. Morning coffee was soon replaced by alcohol. I had tears most mornings; praying that I could at least make it to the job site without drinking but that did not happen anymore. The withdrawals were so intense I was not in control. I could not function without 3 – 4 drinks to calm the shaking and dry heaves. Advancing one more step I began to experience withdrawals during the night, which seems impossible because I was still drunk! That was my tipping point – I need help.
I had never before been to a treatment program. In my opinion, they were for weak people with no willpower. Through family friends, it was recommended to me to try Come as You Are Addiction Services Ltd. Wow! Was I wrong! Right from the get-go, I saw that these ladies were the strongest bunch of women that I had ever met. I was welcomed in with hugs and laughter and that is what I awoke to every single day – this shining bunch who were living life to the fullest with such joy. I wanted that too!
I had no idea what I was in for. How could we possibly talk about drinking beer day in and day out for the next 60 days? Well, we didn’t. Yes, that was part of it, but putting down the drink was only a portion of my problem. It was my perception of myself, of others close to me, and really of the entire world that needed adjustment in order to live a healthy life. I choose how I want to live, regardless of circumstances. I don’t believe I ever would have had the strength to find this without the skills taught and the support from Cyndi and her staff. They were so committed to encourage me, to feel my feelings, and to recognize myself as the strong and worthy woman I am.
After my 60 days I returned to the same home and situations, both good and difficult, but now I see them completely differently. I can feel them in my natural state – sober. I feel the warmth of the sunrise, and also the blessings of the rain. I feel my garden and recognize how much serenity it gives me. I feel overwhelming joy seeing my horses knowing they are such a gift in my life. And I feel the love and support from my family that’s been there all along.
I truly believe God has blessed Come as You Are because I have witnessed the miracles happening there … and I am one of them.
Blessings, Jen – 43 years old